Dear Terrible Foods I Always Eat (especially the ones I eat in bed when I cannot sleep and I’m super bored in middle of the night),

Listen…I simply cannot do this anymore. You and me…we’re different. We want different things. You want me to be a lazy fat cow and I want to be a fit fabulous rockstar. We no longer work.

I know that you love me but I cannot love you anymore. I must leave you old food and move on to something that’s a little bit better for me. I cannot let you treat me the way you do, you act all kind and sweet and then you go and make me fat. It’s not fair. I don’t make you fat, but for some reason you think it’s okay to do it to me.

It’s like I try to forget about you, I try to walk away but you’re everywhere. You’re every single place I go. You’re big beautiful golden arches or your shaped as a cute little bunny, or you’re buy one get one free. Le sigh.

I am leaving you. This is final. We’re through. I am moving on to food that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated, those foods might not look as good as you do bad foods, but…they’ll be good to me. And it’s about what’s on the inside that counts, not fancy looks or peanut butter middles.

I love you, but I won’t let you love me to death.

Goodbye.

xoxo

jes

And in the words of the great 14 year old who cannot seem to get her life together…we are NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER!